Its been awhile

I know, I know. I have been gone for awhile. I had a big meet, thanksgiving break, finals, and Christmas break. Fastest two months of my life! I finally got to go home which was the best thing! I still hold true to "you don't miss it until its gone". I would complain how boring my family and Utah was. Well try Kansas for a change Ellie. Just kidding, it isn't that bad. We have coolest sunsets and tornado warnings! I am starting to make a home here though. It feels almost calming to be here. I have a routine, purpose, and my own bed which is lovely. I am so on the go when I am home because I want to see and do everything I have been missing. I am sure that will rub off soon and It'll be easier to be in the present.

Something I did realize when I came home from Christmas break was that I had lost who I was. I heard that freshman year was one of the hardest years in college because you are a freshman all over again. I didn't feel much that way at the beginning of the year because I was so busy with change. Now that I am used to it here, I was like "crap who am I". I am realizing I have to develop who I am, who I want to surround myself with, and where I feel my best self all over again. That thought has really intimidated me. It has made me feel lonely, lost, helpless, and scared. Those are not the greatest feelings. Unfortunately I still have no remedy for this. I have been working on one thing a day and honestly I think that is all anyone can do. I have found the best thing is talking it out with family, a friend, and God. Reaching out is the only way to let go before it turns into something that swallows you whole. I know I want to wake up and be the best person I can be. I want to be someone who makes myself and others around me happy. There is absolutely no shame in taking time to put yourself first to make sure you feeling how you want to feel and do what you want to do. You can't accomplish your dreams otherwise. Take care of yourself. But most importantly if something makes you excited, do it!! It will either be the best decision of your life or the best learning experience ever.

There is so much uncertainty in life. With that you are going to experience change and that is a beautiful thing. If it were all the same, wouldn't life be so boring? We weren't sent down on this earth for it to be an easy ride. Heavenly father showed you, your plan and how everything will turn out in the end. YOU still decided to come here. There must be something so great instore that will make it all worth it. You don't decide your future, you decide your choices, and your choices decide your future. So decide to prioritize the most important things in life and go from there. I promise if you make heavenly father a priority, he will guide you.

I will post more updating you on some fun things that I have gotten to do these past couple months in the next couple weeks

<3

Elliott